FIC: I Find My Beirut Skills Are Lacking Now That We're Dating

Title: I Find My Beirut Skills Are Lacking Now That We're Dating
Pairing: Finn/Kurt
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 9200
Summary: Sequel to I'm Too Busy Becoming a Beer Pong Champ to Study. Future College Fic! Wherein Finn and Kurt make out a lot and Finn has a bit of a freak out.
Author's Note: Thanks so much to audaciously for the awesome beta<3
ETA: Sorry guys, Urban Dictionary failed me. My spelling skillz, let me show you them.



Finn decides he loves gay sex.

Okay, so maybe they haven’t done any cock to ass action but the handjobs and the blowjobs are awesome. If someone had asked him if he’d be hooking up with Kurt a year ago, he would’ve laughed at them.

Now he wants to kick his “past self” in the ass for being such a dumbass. He could’ve been hitting this since like, sophomore year and instead he had baby drama and Rachel drama and well...he’s a dumbass. But it’s all good now, because Kurt is a horny bastard. Like Rachel. She was totally down with getting laid as much as possible but it doesn’t...he doesn’t know, but it wasn’t like it is with Kurt.

Kurt’s totally unashamed to ask Finn to jerk him off and Finn thought he would be totally freaked out about getting his hand on another guy’s dick, but it’s hot. He likes getting Kurt off, loves watching Kurt’s face as he comes and loves watching Kurt suck him off.

If he had known gay sex was this awesome, he would’ve been down with the homo action a longass time ago.

&&&

The thing is, they don’t have sex as much as he’d like.

For one, Finn’s roommate is a total douche. Finn’s pretty sure the dude is afraid of his own dick. And possibly people who shower. Well, that’s what Kurt says and Finn’s pretty sure Kurt’s totally right about that. But the dude had basically said, “Get out of my room, homos” so that totally killed them ever hooking up in Finn’s room.

Cause Finn’s pretty sure even the dude’s mom hates him, because he never goes home.

So that leaves Kurt’s room. And Kurt’s roommate is pretty awesome. He’s a big old homo like Kurt is (and Finn wonders sometimes if the two of them ever got together, and feels a sharp pain in his stomach about the idea) but even he isn’t down with the whole, ‘hooking up while he’s in the room’. So mostly, they have to sneak around and make sure their roommates aren’t around before they hook up.

It’s totally worth it, especially with Kurt basically shoves Finn down on the bed and swallows his cock. Finn thinks he sees God, it’s that good.

“Who knew gay sex was this good?”

Kurt giggles. “Oh, sweetie, if you only knew.”

&&&

Okay, so it’s not perfect. For one, his mom doesn’t have a clue that it’s going on. Like, she’s not his first choice of people he’d come out to. And he’s not even sure if he’s into dick or if it’s just Kurt. He’s not checking out other guys in his class, except for like, experimentally. Kurt doesn’t really give a shit either way.

The only things Kurt cares about are his clothes, coming all over Finn’s hands and getting Finn to go to some gay meeting.

“Dude, I’m not gay.”

“Baby, you are at least bi. Which means you totally need to be there because there isn’t enough representation of bisexual men.”

“What?” Finn rubs Kurt’s hand absentmindedly, and Kurt turns to look at him. He snuggles closer and seriously, dudes snuggle? Finn didn’t even know.

“Well, there are a ton of bi girls. You know, half are like, ‘Oh I like to make out with chicks when I’m drunk!’, except they’re really just like, bicurious. But whatever. Anyway, there’s like no bisexual male representation.”

“What are you even talking about? I still like girls.” Finn’s kind of freaked out. He loves boobs. And other girl parts. But he’s into Kurt too, and it’s kind of confusing sometimes, like when he sees a really hot girl in class and wants to hit on her, but remembers he’s got Kurt.

“That’s why you’re bi. Look, I get you’re all confused. Just come to a meeting and you’ll get it.”

“A meeting? I’m not going to some gay club meeting.”

Kurt sighs and shoves Finn’s shoulder. “Just go to one meeting, okay? I think you’ll be surprised.”

The last thing Finn wants to do is hang out with a bunch of Kurts. He totally thinks Kurt is awesome, but one Kurt is all he can handle. He can’t handle a room full of Kurts. Finn is a total dude’s “dude” and he has a reputation to uphold.

“Dude, seriously...”

“Look, it’d mean a lot to me if you went to one meeting. If it’s not your thing, I get it. I went to all your stupid football games so just sit through one meeting, okay?”

Finn thinks for a minute. There could be lesbians there. They might make out.

“Okay, one meeting.”

Kurt grins, really big and smiley and Finn loves when he smiles like that. Finn leans over and presses his mouth against Kurt’s, sliding his tongue into Kurt’s mouth. Kurt slides his leg between Finn’s, pressing against his dick and Finn’s hard just like that. Kurt slides his hand down across Finn’s stomach and seriously, he never thought...

Oh shit, that’s Kurt’s hand on his dick and that’s never not awesome.

Finn kind of loses his mind after that and forgets that whole conversation.

At least till Kurt shows up at his door on Thursday afternoon, big smile on his face.

He’s kind of fucked. And not in the fun way.

&&&

Finn’s exposure to the Gay World is kind of centered on Kurt.

He’s watched an episode or two of Project Runway and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. And he’s known Kurt for like ever. Finn’s pretty sure he knows what it means to be gay and Finn? Is totally not gay. Maybe he likes one dick belonging to one guy but that doesn’t make him gay. He doesn’t care about his nails or how clean his skin is and he sometimes forgets to shower and goes right to class. Kurt tells him his wardrobe is so boring it’s a crime but Finn? Is not gay.

But Kurt totally drags Finn to his Weekly Meeting of Gay Dudes and Finn really isn’t prepared for it at all.

Freakin’ Kurt and distracting Finn with blowjobs. How is he supposed to say no to that?

&&&

“Trust me, everyone is totally cool. It’s okay if you don’t say anything. They’re used to people just showing up and not saying
anything.” Kurt adjusts his bag and fixes his hair in a window. “This is totally your thing, trust me.”

Finn really isn’t sure if he’s ready to face a room full of boys like Kurt. It’s hard enough to deal with Kurt sometimes and Finn thinks that maybe he’s the only one who can really deal with Kurt. He’s awesome, but Finn thinks sometimes that if he didn’t know Kurt for the last three years, Kurt would totally freak him out.

“You sure I’m gonna fit in? Cause I don’t think...”

“Sweetie, listen. Just go to this one meeting and if it’s not your thing, I will totally drop it.”

Finn bites his bottom lip. Kurt’s stopped in front of the door to the building, hand on the door handle.

“Okay, one meeting.” If it sucks, Finn can totally not go again

The room is half full when they get there. Kurt’s rommie is there, hanging out with some other dude who...

Well, if Finn is totally honest, the dude looks like he belongs playing sports rather than sitting in a room with a bunch of gay kids. Finn’s really confused, because Kurt pulls him over to talk to the guy and Finn can’t figure out what the guy is doing there. Maybe he has some supergay boy...thing. Christ, is Kurt his boyfriend? They haven’t labeled it or anything but Finn is pretty sure there’s some sort of relationship-y label there, because he isn’t fucking other people and he’s sure Kurt isn’t either.

“And this is my boyfriend, Finn.”

Finn blinks a few times, and the totally-not-gay-dude grins at him. “Man, it’s awesome to meet you.”

Finn grins back, because the guy has one of those faces that’s it’s hard not to like, not be anything but friendly to. And Kurt’s standing next to him, looking all happy and shit and well. Maybe he wasn’t totally wrong.

“Jenna! I’ll be right back, I just have to go say hi!” Kurt’s already running away, arms flailing a little bit as he runs over to a seriously hot girl with long brown hair and awesome tits.

Finn blinks a few times and forces himself to look away. Jason, the guy who looks like he totally doesn’t belong there, just smirks, and Finn feels kind of stupid.

“This wasn’t what you expected, huh?”

“Uh...”

The guy smirks and glances over at Kurt. “Lemme guess, you were expecting a room full of Kurts, right?”

“Kinda, yeah...” Finn shrugs and rubs his arm. This is kind of fucking with his head, because this guy is totally not what he expected.

Jason crosses his legs at the ankles and Finn leans a little closer to him.

“Dude, are you like...” Finn glances around the room and really, it’s stupid that he can’t even say the word in a room full of...well, gay kids.

“Gay? Yeah, I am.” Jason flushes and rubs the back of his neck. He has this awesome smile that spreads across his face and Finn feels something low in his gut that he only ever feels around really hot girls or Kurt.

Oh shit.

“What...how? I mean, shit.” Finn feels like an epic douche.

“Tell you what, I work at the coffee place on campus. Come by tomorrow and we’ll talk.”

&&&

Finn shifts in his seat nervously. Kurt looked like, really happy that Finn left that meeting with a new friend and he promised he’d go next week. But really, Finn is freaking the fuck out. It’s all this gay stuff. There’s like, way more to it than just dressing really good and stuff. They spent half the meeting talking about the next election, how they were planning on road tripping to do some protesting, stuff like that.

It’s all this stuff that Finn never thought about. Like, he knows what it means to be gay, but he never thought about the serious stuff. Like getting married and having kids, how some people think that Kurt shouldn’t be able to have a kid just because he’s gay. It’s really confusing, because of all people, Kurt would be an awesome dad. It’s just. It’s not stuff he thought about before.

Jason sits down across from him, looking him over. “You look like you’re in the middle of a big gay crisis.”

Finn flushes. “Kinda sorta.”

“I know, all of a sudden you’re into dick and it doesn’t make any sense right?”

Finn shrugs. “I don’t know. Like. I still like girls. I still like boobs. I just...”

“Like Kurt more?” Jason offers.

Which, yeah, that’s totally true. He still checks out girls, because he’s not dead, but he daydreams about Kurt in class all the time, thinks about making out and hooking up all the time. He still jerks off thinking about boobs sometimes, but he likes hooking up with Kurt more than he liked having sex with hot girls.

“I guess, yeah.”

Jason sighs and crosses his legs. “Look, it’s not as easy as gay or straight sometimes. There’s nothin’ wrong with thinking someone else is hot.”

Finn shrugs and plays with the straw in his drink. “Yeah, but I never thought about dudes before.”

Jason snorts. “I’m sure you haven’t.” And Finn flushes, remembering jerking off with Puck back when they were just figuring out that having someone else touching your dick was awesome. “But it really doesn’t matter. Sometimes it’s just sex. And there are other options than gay or straight, you know that.”

Finn shrugs. “Kurt’s the only gay guy I knew before I came here. I mean, Brittany and Santana used to totally hook up after school, which was really hot. Man, you should’ve seen them, even you’d....” Finn trails off.

Jason’s smirking.

“What?” Finn feels a little stupid.

“I’m guessing you grew up in a pretty small town?”

Finn nods. He runs his hands through his hair. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

“Look, sometimes people are attracted to guys and girls. It’s not one way or the other.”

Finn blinks. He never really thought of that as an option. “So it’s okay if I still like girls?”

Jason shrugs. “Sure. It’s totally normal. I mean, it’s probably not okay if you’re hooking up with them. But you’d have to talk to Kurt. And dude, he’s not going to get upset if you check out girls.”

“It just feels like...cheating?” Finn shrugs. “I don’t know, I really like him. I just....”

“Talk to him. I mean, you’re not thinkin’ about sleeping with other people, are you?”

“God, no way.” Finn shakes his head. “It’s pretty much just...”

“Checkin’ girls out? Man, that’s totally normal. It just means you’re not dead, that’s all.” Jason kicks Finn’s leg. “Make sense?”

Finn nods. He never really thought of it that way.

&&&

Finn’s not really sure about Kurt’s roommate. The dude is pretty cool, but he’s also totally gay. Which makes Finn wonder if he and Kurt ever hooked up before. It makes him kind of upset to think about the two of them together, just like it makes him upset to think about Kurt’s other boyfriends.

It’s kind of a sore spot for him. They haven’t had actual sex yet, mostly because Finn’s still kind of terrified to do it. He’s totally down with jerking off, loves making out, Kurt rubbing against him till he comes. He loves Kurt sucking him off even though he’s still kind of afraid to do it in return. Mostly, he just likes the sex and he likes Kurt. But he knows that Kurt isn’t a virgin. Kurt had boyfriends in high school. Finn knows that Kurt’s hooked up with other guys since they started college. It hurts his stomach to think about Kurt sleeping with someone else.

But it happened and there’s nothing he can do about it. He knows that Kurt won’t talk to the last girl that Finn hooked up with, but that’s mostly because she tried to kiss Finn at the last party they went to because she didn’t know that he and Kurt were together. It really wasn’t her fault but Kurt got upset and Finn had to drag him off to the bathroom and kiss him till he calmed down.

Finn also knows that Kurt’s roommate is kind of slutty. Like, not in a bad way. Just in the way that the guy doesn’t want a boyfriend and just likes to hook up with dudes at parties. Finn thought the guy was totally awesome until he remembered that he and Kurt hooked up at least once and now Finn’s...

Okay, he’s totally jealous.

Whenever he hangs out at Kurt’s (which is all the time, because Finn’s roommate is creepy), he thinks about the two of them hooking up in Kurt’s bed or Kurt getting bent over his desk and getting fucked, and Finn gets really turned on and really upset. He doesn’t like thinking about the two of them hooking up but he can’t stop thinking about it.

Today, for example, he and Kurt are totally making out, and Finn’s got his hands under Kurt’s shirt. Kurt’s stretched out over him and Finn can feel how hard he is in his pants. It’s really hot, except he keeps looking up at the top bunk and wondering where Kurt’s roommate is and if they had sex on Kurt’s bed.

Kurt sighs and rolls off Finn, reaching down to twine their fingers together.

“Why’d we stop?” Finn turns on his side to face Kurt.

“Sweetie, what’s up? You’re totally distracted.”

“No, I’m not.” Finn frowns.

“You’re not even, you know.” Kurt waves his hand at Finn’s crotch.

Finn feels his face turn red, because Kurt’s totally hard and he isn’t. He leans over to kiss Kurt again, but Kurt’s not having it.

“Uh-uh. What’s up? Did Jason tell you something?” Kurt squeezes Finn’s fingers.

“You knew about that?” Finn didn’t tell Kurt he was meeting up with Jason ‘cause...well, he doesn’t know why.

Kurt nods and pushes his hand through Finn’s hair. “Mmmhm. I’m glad you did though. I don’t think I’m the best person to talk to about liking boys and girls.”

Finn opens and closes his mouth a few times. “I didn’t want to upset you.”

“Listen, as long as you’re not hooking up with other people, I’m okay with you checkin’ out girls sometimes. It’s natural. You think I don’t check out hot guys?”

Finn scowls and Kurt lets out a soft giggle. “See? I’m not upset. I’m glad you had someone to talk to.”

Finn feels bad. He knows that Kurt knew he was gay for a long time, but didn’t come out till Glee. He knows that Kurt had no one to talk to, no other gay kids or anything. He knows that Kurt used to get picked on all the time just because he was gay. Kurt didn’t have it easy.

“I’m just kinda confused...”

Kurt nods and kisses his forehead. “I get it. You think I wasn’t confused when I realized I liked boys? You’ll get through it. It can’t be any worse than having a crush on the most popular boy in school when he doesn’t know you exist.” Kurt shrugs, looking a little...shy?

“I was a total dick, wasn’t I?”

Kurt kisses him softly, tightening his hold on Finn’s hand. He pulls away and laughs a little. “Mmm, a little bit. It’s okay though, I still like you.”

&&&

Right around spring break seems like the time that all his teachers decide to assign a ton of tests and papers and stuff. Like they know everyone is gonna spend spring break drunk on a beach, so they have to torture you extra before hand. Kurt can barely help him out with studying because he’s got this giant project due right after break and he’s trying to get most of it done before they go home for the week.

Finn’s really glad his mom works so much, because it means that he can have Kurt over as much as he wants and she won’t know the difference. He’s also really glad that Rachel’s back in New York and Mercedes’ spring break is the week after theirs, so they have a week to themselves.

“You really don’t want to go anywhere?” Kurt stretches out next to him on the bed, leaning his head on his elbow.

“Don’t really have the money.” Finn shrugs and picks at the comforter.

“Shit, I didn’t even.” Kurt sighs and rests his head on Finn’s chest. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry, I mean. If you wanted to go somewhere...”

“My boyfriend is pretty much offering me a week of uninterrupted snuggle time. Do you really think I want to go somewhere else?”

“I dunno, I know Lima’s not like, exotic or anything.”

Kurt leans up and kisses him, sliding his tongue into Finn’s mouth. Finn moans into the kiss, sliding his fingers into Kurt’s hair. Kurt giggles and pulls away. “Sweetie, I’ll be perfectly happy spending a week with you anywhere, even if it’s Lima.”

Finn feels like a girl when he rolls over onto Kurt, pushing him into the bed and giving him a dirty kiss. Kurt moans and pushes up against Finn and it’s really, really hot.

&&&

They don’t have sex over spring break.

It seems like the perfect opportunity to do it. Like, his mom is never around and they have the house to themselves. But Finn’s not really ready to have Kurt fuck him in the ass and he feels like a dick making Kurt take it the first time they sleep together. They really haven’t talked about it at all but Finn’s just not ready.

He does, however, finally give Kurt a blowjob. It’s hotter than he thinks it was gonna be, with Kurt sliding his fingers in Finn’s hair, running his fingers over Finn’s cheek and feeling where Kurt’s dick is stretching his mouth. It’s so hot, getting down on his knees and being at Kurt’s mercy, or like the other way around because Kurt has trouble standing up. He’s not perfect at it his first time, cause he coughs and pulls away before Kurt comes and he has to jerk Kurt off, but Kurt comes all over his face and it’s really hot.

So maybe he’s kinda okay with the idea of Kurt fucking him. Not yet but maybe soon?

&&&

“What’s it like getting fucked?”

Jason chokes on his coffee, spewing it all over the table. Finn makes a face and hands over a couple of napkins.

“What?”

“Kurt and I haven’t...you know.” Finn blushes.

“You haven’t fucked yet?” Jason raises an eyebrow. “Kurt’s been in love with you for, oh, I don’t know, ever, and you’ve been dating for this long and you haven’t fucked yet?”

Finn shrugs. “I just. I’m not really ready for...you know.”

“For Kurt to fuck you?” Jason wipes up the mess and stares down into his coffee. “It’s good. I mean, it can be good.”

“Does it hurt?”

Jason shrugs, drinking the rest of his coffee. “It can, yeah. I mean, not really bad. But it can hurt, yeah.”

Finn nods and plays with the straw in his drink. He’s not sure he’s ready to have sex that’s gonna hurt.

“But you know you don’t have to...you know. And I know for a fact that Kurt’s a big old bottom.”

Finn scowls.

“Oh, dude, no way. He and I didn’t sleep together. We’ve just talked a couple times.”

Finn eyes him. “Seriously? You two never hooked up?” He’s a little curious. He’s not really sure if he wants to know if the two of them got together, because Jason kinda reminds him of himself, tall and kind of goofy. It still hurts sometimes, remembering that he could’ve had Kurt a long time ago if he wasn’t so stupid.

“I never slept with Kurt. You’re such a jealous little bitch sometimes.”

Finn gives him the finger and sips his drink noisily.

“Look, dude. Kurt is not gonna make you take it the first time.”

“Maybe I want to.” He’s not entirely sure he wants to. He wants to have sex, but he’s scared. It’s not like sleeping with girls. And if it’s bad, they might break up. If they keep not having sex, then he’ll just never risk fucking this whole thing up.

“Can I ask why I’m the guy you talk to about fucking your boyfriend?”

Finn flicks his straw at Jason. “I don’t know. I can’t talk to anyone else about this.” He glances up at Jason, who looks a little guilty.

“I get it, okay. Have you tried, I don’t know, anything?”

Finn flushes. Kurt’s never tried anything with Finn, but Finn’s maybe tried something by himself once or twice. He had no idea what he was doing and he really didn’t want to like, break something down there. It was a lot safer to stick to what he knew, like touching his dick, than it was to stick his fingers up his ass.

“Well, you clearly want my advice. Talk to Kurt. Lose your gay-ginity. Get laid.”

Finn shrugs and finishes off his drink, tipping the cup back and avoiding Jason’s eyes. He’s just not sure he’s really ready yet.

&&&

Finn stops by the drugstore and buys something that makes him blush in front of the little old lady at the register. She doesn’t say anything, just laughs at him and rings up his purchase. Finn hightails it the fuck out of there, shoving the plastic bag deep in his bag. He feels like everyone’s looking at him as he rushes back to the dorm, like they know he’s got something in his bag he doesn’t want anyone to see.

He knocks on Kurt’s door, bouncing up and down on his feet. He taps on the door again and he can hear someone moving around inside before the door opens. Kurt blinks at him sleepily, hair pressed against his face. It’s pretty cute.

“Hey hey! Did I wake you up? Crap, I’m sorry, I was just in class and then I had to go do something and then...”

Kurt interrupts him, pulling Finn’s face down for a kiss. His breath is kinda stale, so he must’ve been asleep. Finn finally pulls away, dropping his bag on the floor and standing nervously next to Kurt’s bed.

“I had that stupid test this morning. I swear to god, I think it’s just downhill from here.” Kurt flops down on his bed and scootches over to leave a space for Finn. “Come on, Nate won’t be back till late, he’s working.”

“Um, so that thing I had to go get...” Finn drops down to the floor and looks through his bag, and did he really need to shove that thing all the way to the bottom? It’s probably all squished now from his books, and shit, he really hopes it didn’t open and get everywhere. He finally finds it and pulls it out, dropping the bag on the floor.

“Sweetie, you really didn’t need to buy that.” Kurt smirks and leans over towards his desk. He pulls open the drawer and pulls out the same exact thing Finn’s holding in his hand, except the tube is a lot emptier.

“I uh...” Finn swallows and sits down on the edge of the bed. He tosses the bottle of lube towards Kurt, feeling his face flush.

“You’re ready to...”

“Um, I want to try,” Finn finishes. He glances at Kurt, inching his fingers across the bedspread and touching Kurt’s hand. “I’m not really sure I can like, go all the way today but uh. Can we try?”

Kurt grins, leaning over and kisses Finn. His fingers tighten against Finn’s and he slides closer, tugging Finn close.

Finn’s had sex before, even slept with girls he really liked, even loved, but this is totally different. Kurt’s taking over, pushing him down onto the bed and crawling over him. He thinks his hands are shaking a little bit as Kurt unbuttons his pants, sliding them down off his hips. Finn turns his head to the side, biting his bottom lip as Kurt pushes his underwear down. His dick is embarrassingly hard and Kurt leans over, licking across the head before pressing his mouth against Finn’s stomach.

Finn’s hands are shaking a little as Kurt squirts lube onto his fingers. He rubs them and Finn can’t figure out why until a drop of lube fall onto his leg and holy shit, that’s cold. Kurt doesn’t go right for his ass like Finn thinks though. He sucks Finn’s cock into his mouth, bobbing his head as he tongues the head and oh god, Finn loves how good he is at this. Kurt’s going down on him like a fucking pro, sucking him all the way down, his mouth stretched so wide around his dick.

Finn moans and widens his legs and that’s when Kurt reaches between his legs and rubs a finger around his hole. Finn freezes and Kurt opens his eyes, looking up at Finn with his cock in his mouth.

Finn kinda drools a little at the look. Kurt grins and he can feel Kurt’s fingers around his ass, before one slides into his hole.

It’s really...weird. It doesn’t really hurt, because Kurt’s got lube all over his finger and it just kinda slides in and it’s just...there. It’s just weird and kind of awkward and why the hell would anyone do this all the time? It doesn’t really feel good. Kurt’s still sucking him down though, so that feels pretty awesome. He closes his eyes and focuses on Kurt’s mouth, how tight it is around his cock and then Kurt slides his finger in and out a few times, till he slides another inside. It stretches him, feels weird and tight and not all that awesome.

“Kurt?” Finn swallows.

Kurt slides his mouth off Finn’s cock and presses a kiss against his thigh. “Give it a minute.”

Finn breathes out and Kurt slides his fingers in and out of his ass, and just when Finn’s ready to give up, it starts to feel okay. He widens his legs a little and gives Kurt more room, Kurt tonguing along his balls and that’s awesome. Kurt widens his fingers inside of Finn, like he’s trying to stretch him out or something as he sucks on Finn’s balls, and Finn’s brain turns to mush. Kurt starts pressing against something and Finn bucks his hips up, his cock bumping against Kurt’s face and fucking hell.

“Fuck, Kurt...”

Finn comes just as Kurt’s mouth is around his dick again, sucking him dry and god, who knew gay sex was so good?

Kurt flops down on the bed next to him. Finn glances over and watches as Kurt unbuttons his pants and Finn reaches over, ‘cause even though his brain just exploded, he can still help a dude out.

&&&

Finn feels like everyone can tell there’s something different about him now as he walks to class. Like the whole world is staring at him or something.

They haven’t had actual sex yet, but they will soon. Mostly because his head is gonna explode if they don’t and he thinks he might have to stop jerking off so much, because he’s kinda sore just thinking about it. It can’t fall off, right?

Mostly he just feels different. Like, it was one thing when they were just jerking each other off or when he let Kurt blow him, because it wasn’t all that...intimate. Like it wasn’t serious. This, letting Kurt actually fuck him, that’s kinda crossing a line, and Finn is fucking terrified of that.

But if he and Kurt have actual butt sex, it means this whole thing is more than just screwing around. It’s just this big thing and Finn’s not sure if he’s ready for it.

“See, here’s the thing.” Jason hands him a red cup full of beer. Finn sniffs it before shrugging and drinking half of it in one go. “You should just get really drunk and let him fuck you. So if it’s really bad, you’ll be too trashed to give a shit.”

“I don’t know. I mean, what if like... What if I really hate it?”

“Dude, look. If the rest of it is good, then I’m pretty sure the actual sex is going to be at least decent. And, well.” Jason glances around before pulling Finn out of the kitchen and into the hallway. “Listen, I’m just sayin’, Kurt’s not exactly a blushing virgin, alright?”

Finn frowns. “You know, I really hate people reminding me that he’s had sex with lots of other guys before.”

Jason rolls his eyes and pulls Finn down towards the basement, where he saw Kurt take off to earlier. “Yeah, well he had to watch you hook up with girl after girl last semester, so give the guy a fucking break.”

They reach the bottom step and Finn spots Kurt sitting on the couch with Jenna, their heads bent together as they laugh. Finn feels a pinch in his stomach, watching Kurt’s wide smile and his arms flailing around. He used to watch Rachel like this in rehearsal, the way her skirt would hug her ass and how tight her shirts were, but this is different. It’s Kurt’s face and the way he uses his hands, how nice he looks when he laughs and how he puts up with Finn when he’s being really stupid (which, Finn is completely unashamed to admit, is almost all the time).

He glances at Jason, who rolls his eyes again and shoves him into the basement. Kurt waves at him goofily and Finn really can’t help but smile, sitting on the arm of the couch.

“You know, the whole point of having a big, adorably dorky boyfriend is to make everyone else jealous,” Kurt says, tugging on Finn’s arm until he slides down to sit next to Kurt on the couch. Kurt, honest to God, sighs, snuggling his face against Finn’s neck before turning back to Jenna and rambling away a mile a minute. Finn looks down at their fingers entwined together on his lap and swallows.

He sees Jason watching the two of them from across the room and Jason lifts his cup at Finn before winking and turning his attention back to whoever he was talking to.

&&&

It’s close to the end of the semester and Finn doesn’t really have a lot of time to think about sex.

Well, he still thinks about sex constantly, but instead of actually having it, he’s too busy studying and doing group projects and eating, so it basically leaves enough time to crawl into bed with Kurt and sleep. They haven’t really done anything recently, just a little making out, maybe jerking each other off before they fall asleep, but no actual sex. Because Kurt’s even more stressed out, trying to help Finn pass all his classes (and Finn feels smart that he needs less help this semester) and he’s trying to do all his work too. Finn tries to help out by bringing him food and kissing him to help relieve stress, but it really only makes it worse.

Finn finishes with his finals two days before Kurt does but since they’re both moving back at the same time, he hangs out and waits for Kurt to finish. His own roommate finished a couple days ago, so he’s got the room to himself. It gets boring real fast, because when Kurt does come over, he’s studying or sleeping and he’s too stressed out to have any fun.

Wednesday night, Finn’s got most of his shit packed up and Kurt’s sprawled out on his bunk, watching Finn throw the rest of his clothes into a duffle. They’re leaving the next afternoon and Kurt’s already mostly packed, pretty much because he made Finn help him.

Finn’s way too excited about next year though. They’re sharing with Nate and another friend of his, but they’ll have like real privacy and stuff. Of course, he’s also terrified about this summer.

“Sweetie, we have to talk about this summer.” Kurt sits up on the bed. He looks a little sad.

Finn sighs and flops down next to him.

Outside of the people they know at school, no one really knows they’re together. Kurt hasn’t told Mercedes. Finn hasn’t told anyone. Finn didn’t want anyone from Lima to know until he told his mom and that’s something he doesn’t really want to do over the phone. And Kurt didn’t even complain, just smiled and said he got it. Finn’s slightly terrified of what’s gonna happen when Kurt tells his dad, because Finn remembers Kurt’s dad. He’s kind of scary.

“I’m gonna be workin’ a lot, but I think we can still hang out and stuff.”

Kurt nudges his arm. “Finn, I meant telling people.”

Finn swallows. “I don’t know...”

Kurt climbs off the bed. He stands in front of Finn, arms crossed against his chest. “I get that you wanted to wait. I waited till you got over your big gay crisis. But it’s been months. I’ve never been quiet about who I am.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready.”

Kurt turns away. Finn feels like shit, because he knows he’s hurting Kurt. Kurt’s always been proud of who he was, even if it meant he got thrown into dumpsters and had eggs thrown at him. Finn feels like an asshole, because he was so damn jealous of Kurt. That the guy could be that open and not care about what people think.

Finn wishes he could be that strong.

“I’m not like you. People expect me...”

Kurt flips him off. “For fucks sake! When are you going to stop caring what those Lima Losers think of you? Because you’ve been here for a year and you’re not that Finn Hudson I knew in high school. Why do you care what those people think of you? The only people that matter are your friends, and you know what? They don’t care, Finn. No one here cares.”

“My mom...”

“Is so happy that you didn’t flunk out of college that she’s not gonna care who you sleep with.”

“I can’t...”

Kurt grabs his bag off the floor. “I’m not staying in the closet for you. I’m not doing it for anyone. If you can’t do this, if you can only admit what we are together when we’re not home, then I can’t do this.”

“Kurt, wait.” Finn goes to grab his arm, but Kurt moves away from him. “No, I can’t. I need some space.” Kurt swings the door open and doesn’t even slam it behind him, just lets it click shut.

Finn sits down on the edge of the bed, his hands shaking.

&&&

The next morning is really fucking awkward.

Kurt’s dad was driving up to help them move back, mostly because Finn’s mom couldn’t take the day off. Finn doesn’t have half the stuff Kurt does, so he gets most of his stuff packed into Burt’s truck and helps fit the rest of Kurt’s stuff in his SUV.

Kurt doesn’t speak to him at all. He doesn’t take the coffee Finn got up extra early to buy for him, he doesn’t speak to Finn at all except when he has to.

Finn spends the morning trying not to throw up. It’s not fucking fair that Kurt’s doing this all or nothing bullshit. It’s not fair. He’s not like Kurt, he can’t just be out and open. He can’t. What if his mom doesn’t approve? His mom, who took in Quinn, who helped Quinn out even when she found out the baby wasn’t Finn’s, who made sure Finn had the money he needed for his college applications, even if it meant she had to work an extra shift to do it. He can’t disappoint her. He can’t do this if his mom doesn’t approve.

Burt doesn’t say anything when Finn climbs into his truck, just raises an eyebrow and turns the truck on and turns the radio up. He doesn’t ask him about anything other than school and Finn spends the whole drive back staring in the rearview mirror, watching Kurt drive behind them.

&&&

He’s working at the grocery store for the summer. It pretty much sucks, but he basically gets whatever hours he wants because the owner was a big fan of the McKinley Glee Club. He works as much as he can, mostly because he can’t stop thinking about Kurt and how hurt he was.

They haven’t spoken in two weeks. Finn keeps picking up his cell phone, going through his contacts and stopping at Kurt’s name. It’s so hard not to send him stupid texts at work when he’s bored or when it’s 2AM and he thinks of something funny.

It’s not till he’s restacking magazines and he comes across one with Beyonce on the cover, of all fucking things, that Finn just wants to sit down and cry.

They broke up. They fucking broke up because he was too chickenshit to tell his mom the truth. If he’s really honest with himself, he knows his mom already has a clue that something’s going on, but he’s not ready to tell her. It’s just like the fucking sex. If he goes there, lets Kurt do that to him, then it’s real. But he’s a fucking dumbass, because it’s been real. Since the minute they kissed that first time, Finn was crazy over Kurt Hummel. Kurt makes him happier than anyone else he knows, was the best, the best boyfriend Finn could’ve possibly asked for. It wasn’t perfect but Kurt made him happy.

He wipes his eyes and feels like a giant pussy, standing in the middle of work and trying not to cry over a fucking magazine.

“Finn, you okay?” Lindsay taps his arm.

He should be flirting with Lindsay, because she’s hot. She’s got an awesome body and this giant smile and she’s really funny, and Finn thinks she’s awesome. But he can’t even bring himself to flirt with her. It’s sad.

“Yeah, just kinda tired.”

“You sure?” She tightens her hold on his arm. “You wanna talk about it?”

Finn shakes his head and grabs the rest of the pile of magazines. “All set, thanks.” He gives her a smile, hoping it doesn’t look too fake. He’s pretty sure he fails.

&&&

Finn comes home from work a week later and sees a note on the fridge.

Dinner Tuesday night! Get the night off of work! I miss you!

He rolls his eyes. His mom is a giant dork. But he gets the night off of work and makes sure he’s home in time for dinner.

“Who is this stranger in my house? He looks an awful lot like that boy I gave birth to, but I don’t know.” His mom has her hands on her hips, smirking at him.

“Very funny, mom. Is dinner ready yet?” He flops down at the kitchen table as his mom laughs.

“You haven’t changed a bit.”

Finn swallows and watches his mom work her way around the kitchen. She hands him a plate with burgers on it and sends him out to the porch, with orders not to burn them.

She comes outside a few minutes later with two beers and hands one to him. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, but takes it when she points a finger at him.

“You think I don’t know what you get up to at school? At least I can keep an eye on you here.” She sits down on the one lone chair on the porch.

He knows she’s watching him man the grill, one of the few things he can cook on without ruining the food too much.

“You’ve been pretty quiet lately.”

He shrugs and turns over one of the burgers. “Been busy.”

“Well, considering I usually can’t get a word in edgewise. What’s up?” His mom kicks his leg. “You didn’t get a girl pregnant again, did you?”

“No way.” He shakes his head before closing the cover of the grill. He sits down on the ground, legs stretched out in front of him. He takes a few sips of his beer. “If I tell you somethin’, you promise not to get too mad at me?”

“Sweetie, did you kill anyone?”

“What? No!” He looks up at her and his mom grins at him.

“Well, that’s pretty much the only thing that could make me mad.”

“Not even if I flunked out?”

His mom frowns. “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head. “No, I didn’t. My grades are fine. Actually...” He swallows. They were pretty good. Thanks to Kurt. “They were good.”

“Then what’s the problem?” His mom takes a sip of her beer. “Did some girl break your heart?”

He takes a deep breath. Now or never. “No, a boy.”

He risks a glance at his mom. Her eyes are bigger than he’s ever seen them before. She looks really shocked.

“Mom, I’m um. Well, I’m bi. I guess.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I had a boyfriend, last semester. We uh. We broke up.”

He’s pretty sure his mom has never looked so surprised before. He’d almost be proud of himself for shocking her this much, except he’s too sad about Kurt.

“Um, well. Okay then.” His mom takes a long drink of her beer. “You like boys. Okay then.” She drains the rest of her beer. “I could use another beer.”

He watches her walk back to the kitchen and feels his stomach drop. A few minutes go by and his mom doesn’t come back, so he sighs and gets up off the ground, checking the burgers. When they’re done, she’s still not back, so he brings them inside and drops the plate on the kitchen table. His mom is nowhere to be found, so he sits down in one of the chairs and stares at the burgers, willing himself not to cry. He crosses his arms on the table and rests his forehead on them, feeling like someone just took away his birthday. This fucking sucks.

He must’ve been more tired than he thought because the next thing he knows, someone is shaking his shoulders. It’s dark in the kitchen now and the only light is from over the stove. He blinks as the light turns on and his mom pulls a chair over to next to his.

“I’m sorry, baby. That was shitty of me.” She wraps an arm around his shoulder. “As long as you’re happy then I’m happy.” She squeezes his arm.

He rests his head against hers. He’s really trying not to cry, because he hadn’t realized how fucking badly he needed to hear that. That his mom didn’t care.

“Thanks, ma.” He swallows.

“It was Kurt, wasn’t it? I knew you boys were close, I just didn’t realize...” She kisses the top of his head. “What happened?”

He shrugs. “I was too scared to tell you.”

She pulls back and tilts his head till his eyes are meeting hers. “You shouldn’t be too scared to tell me anything, alright? Especially if it’s something that makes you as happy as that boy does.” She swallows after the word boy, like she’s still trying to get used to the word.

“He’s real mad.” He wipes his eyes.

“Well then. You should go talk to him then. Even if you two, you know. You were friends first, weren’t you?”

He nods. Best friends, really. Even when they were together, Kurt was the first person he told like, everything.

“I really miss him.”

His mom hugs him close and doesn’t say anything when he pulls away later and her shirt is wet.

&&&

Kurt’s working with his dad over the summer at the garage. It still really surprises him how good Kurt is at fixing cars, but the guy knows cars better than Finn ever will. I’m breakin’ stereotypes left and right, sweetcakes, Kurt used to say.

Today he’s under the hood of some truck, his dad standing next to him, pointing to something.

“It’s right there.”

“Dad, I can see that it’s right there. But that’s not the problem. This is the problem.” Kurt looks past his dad at Finn and frowns. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m working Kurt, what does it...” Burt looks up from the car and sees Finn standing there. “Oh. You need five?”

Kurt does that fake smile thing and hands over whatever the wrench-y thing in his hand is. “Probably less than that.” He walks back towards the office. He sits on the edge of the desk, crossing his arms against his chest.

“Did you need something?”

Finn scratches the back of his neck. “I told my mom.”

Kurt looks surprised as hell. “Seriously?”

Finn nods. “Yeah, she uh. She took it really good. You know? And I had to tell her, cause she’s my mom. I mean, if she was okay with Quinn and stuff, then I shoulda known she was gonna be okay with the whole...being bi thing.”

“So, you’re actually admitting it. I’m impressed.” Kurt smiles softly. “It doesn’t just magically fix everything.”

“I really miss you,” Finn blurts out. “And I get it if you don’t want to get back together. But I really miss you. Like every day.” He feels his face turning red.

“I miss you, too.” Kurt stares down at his fingernails. “I miss you telling me stupid, random stuff all the time. And listening to you sing along to the radio. And making fun of my music.” He smiles. “I miss you, a lot. So if you wanted to hang out? I think I could swing that.”

Finn grins. “Alright. You free tonight?”

Kurt throws his head back as he laughs, and it’s the best thing Finn’s ever heard.

&&&

It’s two more weeks until Kurt lets Finn kiss him. They aren’t even doing much of anything, just hanging out on Finn’s porch, drinking beers and talking about school. He totally forgot over the last few weeks how important Kurt was to him, how much of his life involves Kurt in some way. Even just as friends.

But Kurt’s in the middle of some rant about work, how his dad refuses to upgrade the ancient computers, how the hand soap fucks with his skin and Finn can’t not kiss him. He leans over into Kurt’s space and kisses him softly, too afraid to do much else. But Kurt just grins and pulls him closer, climbing into Finn’s lap and making the kiss really dirty.

It’s another month before they have sex for the first time.

Kurt’s really slow, lets Finn get used to the fingers inside of him before he slides them out and slides his dick in. It’s awkward at first and Finn’s having trouble really getting into it. But Kurt kisses him a lot and rubs his hands along his sides, and then he’s hitting something that feels good and suddenly it’s pretty awesome. Kurt grins as Finn’s dick gets harder and he jerks Finn off until he comes between their stomachs and Kurt pulls out, jerking himself off.

“Wow.” Finn’s hurting a little between his legs. He feels kind of sore and used, but Kurt’s kissing his shoulder and he’s warm and smells really good.

Kurt giggles against his shoulder. “See, you were scared for no reason.” He kisses Finn’s shoulder again and Finn feels like a thirteen year old girl with his first crush, the way his stomach feels.

“When can we do it again?”

Kurt laughs again and turns away from him, but Finn pushes him over onto his back. He leans down and kisses Kurt, Kurt’s legs wrapping around his waist and pulling him close.

&&&

Finn’s not sure this is a good idea.

Kurt gave him the eyes and after some really, really awesome sex, he turned over and said to Finn, “You and your mom should come for Thanksgiving this year.”

Finn said yes because his brain was mush and Kurt had his hand on Finn’s arm and well...

It’s Kurt. Finn’s gone and sat through really bad chick flicks so Kurt could oogle the clothes, and watched an entire season of Project Runway and even let Kurt dress him a little. Kurt could basically ask him to do anything and Finn would say yes.

Except maybe like, wear girl’s clothes, because Finn really isn’t down with that. Or go get his nails done. Okay, it was one time and Kurt was basically bitching about how much Finn chewed on his nails and Finn did it just to shut him up. And then the Asian lady totally made him bleed and cut his nails too short and that never happened again.

But whatever, Kurt gave him the eyes that make Finn want to do anything for him and that’s that.

The thing is though, Kurt’s dad still isn’t really that crazy about Finn. He kind of gave Finn the stink eye when they moved into the dorms in September and he’s kind of terrified that Kurt’s dad is gonna cut his brake lines or something.

But he agrees to it, because it’s Kurt and he basically just has to look at him and Finn does whatever he wants.

They roadtrip home together, because it’s kind of a tradition now. Finn’s already thinking about maybe going on a real roadtrip next summer, staying in crappy hotels and Kurt bitching about them all the way, and eating bad food.

It’s probably not gonna happen, ‘cause his mom needs him working next summer to help with the bills but he can still think about it. It’s crazy sometimes, that he thinks that far ahead about the two of them. He’s never been with someone this long, even with their breakup over the summer. Sometimes he thinks he’s never gonna make up for that, but Kurt keeps talking him down from going really crazy.

His mom must be able to tell how important this is to him, because she gets the afternoon off from work. She even makes her famous apple pie and yells at Finn whenever she catches him trying to sneak off to play video games. She makes him drive over to the Hummels and he thinks it’s kind of funny, how nervous she is.

Kurt lets them in, hugging Finn’s mom and making faces at Finn over her shoulder. His mom and Kurt’s dad awkwardly talk while Kurt drags him off to the kitchen, claiming he needs help getting something off a high shelf.

“Oh, this might have been a bad idea,” Kurt says, pressing him against the kitchen counter. He slides his arms around Finn’s waist, his fingers brushing the top of his pants and Finn kind of loses all thought.

“Huh?” He kisses Kurt, trying not to mess with his hair, ‘cause he knows how much that bugs Kurt.

“Dinner with our parents. The two of them in the same room. And you wearing this shirt.”

Finn blinks. “What’s wrong with my shirt?”

Kurt grins, playing with the bottom of Finn’s shirt. “Nothing, I just want to rip it off of you. This is totally your color.”

Finn groans and pulls him close for a kiss and just when they’re really getting into it, he hears Kurt’s dad clearing his throat.

“Gentlemen, people eat in this kitchen. Could you keep your hands to yourselves at least until after we eat?”

Kurt salutes his dad. “Of course. We can behave ourselves.”

Finn tries not to give it away when Kurt starts playing footsie with him under the table during dinner, but since his mom looks like she’s trying not to laugh, he figures it’s all good.

Later, the two of them are snuggling down in Kurt’s room (and seriously, Kurt’s just snuggling and not even trying to jerk him off or anything). His mom already headed back home to get to bed before her early shift and Kurt’s dad gave them a warning about starting any funny business.

“So, that went okay.” Kurt slides his hand under Finn’s shirt, resting it on his stomach.

“Yeah, your dad didn’t threaten my life or my dick. It’s a win.”

Kurt nods and slides his legs between Finn’s and it’s really nice. His stomach is full from dinner and Kurt feels awesome and Finn’s really fucking happy.